A Little of Everything

So, this morning I went see my OB for a follow-up to my possible postpartum depression appointment last month. At first, I didn't want to go to that initial appointment. I felt like I was admitting defeat. Chris pushed me to go, and so I did. I decided that I owed it to myself to be the best I can be. Of everything. And if that meant talking to someone, then so be it. You see, I've always been the "happy girl." The one people came to and could depend on. And that worked for me. For a long time. And then it didn't anymore. It is really hard work always being happy and not wanting people to worry about you. I think that's why it's hard for me to verbalize what I'm feeling. Good feelings? Easy squeezy! You will know I am happy before I do! :) Bad feelings? Yeah, those stay locked inside, only to come out at inappropriate times, mostly to Chris. And unfortunately, Chris was on the receiving end of a lot of crappy feelings. He basically said he couldn't take it anymore, and he wouldn't be my whipping post. That kind of opened my eyes. Poor husband.

After determining that I was possibly depressed because of my inability to get my feelings out, my epilepsy medication has a possibility of mild depression for a side effect, and the fact that my hormones were all over the place since I just had a baby, my doctor gave me some samples of an estrogen patch. Basically, it's a twice a week patch that delivers estrogen. I was sooo excited to start it. And why wouldn't I be? I was doing something great for me, my baby and husband. I made a follow-up appointment for today since it took about 3 to 4 weeks to really see any results from the patch. At first, I felt great, with little side effects. Of course I felt great: I had a great attitude about it, and I really wanted the patch to work. So for 3 weeks, I felt awesome. Then I got my period. Oh. My. Sweet. Jesus. Talk about hormone imbalance! Seriously, if this didn't work because Aunt Flow came to visit, I didn't even want to try it for another day.

So today I went, and she gave me some samples of Lexapro, an antidepressant. I requested it. I am only taking half the recommended dosage, which Dr. E said I could do to start with. Hopefully I can stick with that dose, as I am SO tired of taking medication. That will make 4 pills per day that I take. Two of them being my anti-convulsant, a multi-vitamin, and then the Lexapro. Please, Lord, let this work.